Saturday, November 21, 2009
Thursday, November 05, 2009
I really like her perspective and got all kinds of fired up recently after re-reading some of her stuff. I get so frustrated at the sex saturated unrealistic media standards about beauty and some days I am convinced the problem is too vast to even address. Then other days, one of my girls will make a comment that lets me know she is not giving herself the value she deserves and my blood boils and I am convinced the same power that conquered the grave is in me and all the powers of hell can not stop me from wielding the Sword of Truth and exposing the lies the world has told about what beauty is.
As women, Christians or not, we are more than the sum of our parts. I am so mad we do not live this truth and instead allow for a porn-riddled culture to impose this narrow definition of beauty, which does not allow for the natural effects of childbearing or aging.
After spending a week people watching (woman watching specifically) in Disney, where many different cultures were represented, I had to admit I found myself defining beauty based on the typical Hollywood standards. In doing so, I devalued my own beauty and that of the females around me. After reading 'we are more than the sum of our parts' and thinking about what beauty truly is, my vision began to refocus and I saw the loveliness of motherhood and the aged. I saw the beauty in uniqueness and remembered that I do not want to be like or look like someone other than me. I also was saddened to see so many women trying to be beautiful by being provocative and exposed. Girls! We do not need to sell ourselves by showing off our parts! We are more than that!
The facts are that the garment industry assumes the hourglass shape is dominate and manufactures clothing to fit that shape when only 8% of the 6,318 US women in a 2007 study in fact have that shape. So we shop and have trouble finding clothes to fit us nicely, then put ourselves down and vie for the figures of Hollywood stars.
Beauty should come from within first, but there is nothing wrong with trying to beautify the temple we are given as long as it is in good taste and not the primary focus. There just must be a balance and a realistic standard we measure ourselves by.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Sunday, March 08, 2009
While I am very glad to get to love my family through Acts of Service (my #1 love language with Physical Touch being only a point or few less) by caring for my Granny so often, the greatest gift I am taking away is Love. My Paw Paw Loves my Granny. They have been married almost 60 years and the Love he has for her is tangible. You can see it in the way he cares for her. You can see it in the way he does not find the tasks difficult and gross. You can see it in the way he knows her inside and out and shows attention to every little detail for her. It is seen in the way he puts her wants before his wants and even his needs.
My grandparents are Catholic and to any Catholics that happen to read this, put your big girl panties on and try to not take it personally (Bub, we call them panties in my house. My husband has learned to deal with it, you can too). The church I grew up in taught a lot of lies. I am sure I was not the only one hurt by the false doctrine that was shoved down my throat and guilted into my heart. My grandparents along with most of their children did not acknowledge I even exsisted when I got pregnant out of wedlock. The lies were so imbedded I even went through a time where I thought God killed our baby as punishment for the premarital sex because that was what I was taught. Even though around the age of 2 I became not so stupid as to believe crap like that, in my grief and shock and isolation, I entertained that lie for a while.
The same guilt that ruled my life must have influenced my grandparents alot also because when our daughter died, they came to the hospital to say how sorry they were. As much as I believe most every word from my mother's mouth is a lie, she was the only one with the balls to say she did not want the baby in her life. But I know others thought it. I often wondered if my grandparents felt guilty for not wanting my baby after she died. I was convinced it was why they came to the hospital and spoke to me for the first time since announcing my pregnancy. Either way, once I found Christ I figured if someone like Him was willing to give someone like me a second chance, I could do the same in my relationships.
*sidenote* I tried real hard with my mother to forgive past hurts. Problem with her is she continues her lies, deception and manipulation to this day and a person can only take so much. She is lying to me about something huge right now and while I will forgive her, I refuse to be in relationship with someone who can not be trusted. I am pissed right now but in time it will pass until the next thing she does to me. The whole forgive 70 times 7 thing? I am well past the 500th chance with her.
I am so glad I took my grandparents back into my life because while there is a huge generation gap, I have learned more from those 2 than anyone in my adult life. I am convicted to love my husband more. I am convicted to not be as lazy. I am encouraged to apreciate Creation and nature. I have hope true Love still exsists because I see it daily while my Paw Paw cares for his dying wife. In a time where at least half of all marriages end in divorce, I have learned marriage can be sucessful and fulfilling and beautiful. I am honored to be a part of their daily lives and to witness their love. That's what Im talkin bout baby.
Cyrus is a few blocks from HPC on Highland. East Petroleum Drive is directly across the street from Ruffino’s Restaurant on Highland. The Cyrus office is located inside Lee Domingue’s business “Appone”. I can give you further directions if needed.
Let me know if you have any questions.
Have a great weekend !!
18153 East Petroleum Drive
Baton Rouge, LA 70809
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
My husband was working a day shift which meant he left at 3:30am so the girls did everything on their own. After I ate, they told me I had another surprise up front and I had to close my eyes and was lead up front to see that they had cleaned the house for me. All this before they ate their breakfast and got ready for school.
I brought the older 2 to school they went by Amy's to give her matching grills for her and I. After that I went to baby sit my Granny for a couple hours. She pooped on the potty so that was good. Amy called to ask me when I was going home and I figured something was up but had no ideas.
I got home and saw my love's truck stuck in the back yard and hoped he had just taken half a day off and was not fired. I walked in the house and Kenneth jumped out and yelled 'SURPRISE' and THEN I saw my girls!!!
YAY!! I think if the girls can miss 20 days and not fail, they should miss 19, but my love thinks they should have perfect attendance. So for him to get them out of school to be with me was awesome!! There was a card, a cake with my name on it, Gloria and Moto Moto from Madagascar 2 and Ken was not fired; he had just taken the day off and had been at his parents.
We went to lunch at my favorite restaurant (D'Angelos) and they came home to get in my bed and watch Madagascar 2. Again. During the movie, my brilliant husband tried to pull his truck out the mud with no help and my van. Then they were both stuck.
I took a little nap then started getting ready to go grab a bit to eat with my friends. It was simple and casual and awesome. I came home and my girls had stayed over at my in laws so I had a night with no little girls climbing in bed with me. Not sure if that was so great but at least I did not have to share my pillow or covers.
It was a super fantastic great day and that is totally unrelated to me getting a new top of the line Eco friendly washer and dryer. I love my family the berry mostest of all!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
I was playing with the idea of where will I be when Jesus comes back and weighing the options of which would look better. I have been taking care of my grandmother and realized if Jesus comes back while I am bathing, or feeding or lifting my Granny on or off the toilet then I am good. If He catches me posting nasty flair on facebook, that will not be my shining moment.
While thinking through the possibilities from my past week or so I realized I miss God. I really miss spending time reading with Him and praying and not really 'doing' anything but seeking Him. I struggle so much with the balance of serving and doing (whatever I do for the least of these, I do for Him) and spending time with God for myself. I can not really get up earlier or stay up later and I have minutes here and there where I can read or pray but I wake up and hit the ground running to take care of people non stop. I am aware this is a season that will not last forever, but while I am in it, is it ok to not spend time with God and just show His Love to others? I will have to find time to ask Him. That is my favorite. Well, one of my favorites, even if I put Him off, when ever I turn to Him again, He is there, never to leave or forsake. That's what I'm talkin bout baby!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
She wanted to know if when I read the gospels, did I remember it saying anything about Jesus getting His point across like I did. SHIT. And I realized I never even told her how I use shock value all the time. I say stuff to shock the crap outta people and then am all, well you get what you get if you are my friend so don't throw a fit.
We talked about how I may be using such a tough exterior as a defence mechanism to protect myself from being hurt. If I confront first on my terms with all my ammo stocked up, not only do I feel in more control but it is easier to fight a fight I start.
So now, for like the first time I am feeling all convicted about stuff I never had a problem with before. Not only that, I can deal with that; just do not go around telling everyone the twins are now one (referring to my breast aug. that was one year ago on Jan 30th) because that is not proper, not only conviction but fear. I do not face fear often. It is either anger or aggression or extreme sarcasm laced with inappropriate humor. But almost never fear.
When I tell you the thought of dropping my aggression and confrontation sends terror through the depths of my soul I mean it is tangible. It is cold and slimy and dank and nauseating to me. I suppose that indicates a problem that may not be healthy for me. And as surprising as this sounds, I had no clue until sitting in that office next to a box of tissues.
It is not even just the fear of how to protect myself with out those things; it is who AM I without those things? I watch What Not to Wear and never understood how upset the people on the show would get about having to make changes, even though the changes were all for the better, for their good, and at the expense of others. To me it made more sense to change and I saw no reason for them to say the clothes and stuff they had to get rid of (hair, make up, whatever) defined who they were and they were afraid the new stuff would not. Well. I get it now. I not only feel safe behind confrontation but I feel it is who I am and without it, part of my identity will be lost.
I am slightly amused at how blind I was to what confrontation and aggression were to me. And while it is scary, I am willing to drop it if I can. I just hope I do not pick up something else that is worthless to keep me safe. Jesus is my Rock and my Shield. He is my Fortress and Strong tower. The Lord is my Protector and my Refuge. He is enough. Thats what Im talkin about.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
I have a 6 year old daughter in the first grade and there a lot of children in her class that I can not tell what race they are. There are also obvious white, black, Spanish & Asian children. It hurts my heart to even think of the kind of treatment that little girl experienced 48 years ago. I did not remember the inauguration until almost noon on the 20th but once I put the TV on, I watched for the remainder of the day. Once again, I surprised myself by being kinda emotional about the whole thing. Who knew I had so many feelings?!?
Today starts another big change in my world. I have a friend fighting cancer and she decided to try a vegetarian diet in an attempt to beat the disease. I offered to do it with her so she would not feel so alone. I have been telling everyone what I am doing to avoid situations like today. I told my in laws yesterday. Today I was offered sausage, a burger and chicken by them. As day one, it was easy to say no thanks but will it always be? I do need to drop a few pounds. 5 will work, 10 would be better. Lots of my clothes do not fit. Not sure if going veggie will help with that but I want to make healthier choices anyway. So, yeah, I am now a vegetarian. Meat is NOT what Im talkin bout, baby.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
My cartoon reaction happened when she mentioned we really needed to face the sexual abuse and assaults I faced in the past. My eyes got wide and just like in a cartoon when a huge anvil gets unexpectedly dropped on the character's foot, my eyes filled half way up with tears and started to spill down my face. I mean at the first MENTION of it. My resolve was left red and throbbing just like the cartoon foot would have been. I was surprised at myself.
Now I am kinda an all or nothing girl so as soon as my counselor shut the door, I dropped all walls and opened the vault. I am just not interested in playing games and totally believe in just ripping the band-aid off. It may hurt like a bitch but at least it is off quick. I am aware my situation is a bit more than a band-aid, more like a limb reattached with staples but whatever. Fear has never been something to hold me down.
I tried to get back to my unhealthy hatred for my mother and my counselor mentioned my reactions may be based on how the traumas changed me. So I am game for diving into that hell and know I will come out victorious. I even think I can take down a few demons along the way. God knows, I am pissed off enough.
Funny thing, my girl asked me if I had trouble making friends or in other relationships in my life. I told her I get along great with most people. I am actually very social and very much an extrovert. As long as people do not try to harm me, I am cool. It is when I feel threatened that I kinda go psycho. If I feel cornered, that is the only time for concern. But maybe that will all change. And who knows, maybe it will be band-aid quick. That's what I'm talkin bout.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
I got to write a verse, Matthew 8:20 to be exact, in a handwritten bible Zondervan is putting out this year and that was way cool! My older girls each wrote a verse as well. The title links to a website about that.
We had a death on my love's side of the family and it was interesting to see how all these agnostic, Methodist, catholic & Bahia people reacted to the death of a very old crotchety woman who had never been all that nice and needed a LOT of care because she was so old. Sometimes I wonder if God is disappointed that I do not 'witness' to this side of my family more. I just feel it will do more harm than good to tell them 'you are stupid for not believing in God. It is the ONLY thing that makes sense and you are going to burn in hell if you are wrong so again, it is stupid to NOT believe.' I dunno. I do not have time to beat myself up over that one.
My word for 09 is Home. I feel like I am supposed to focus on home more and be home more and make home a priority and here we are 8 days into the year and I think i have been home 1 week day so far. I also committed to sitting with my Granny a few hours a week for my Paw Paw to get stuff done and to have lunch once a week with my daughters. God never said it would be easy. Last year my word was joy. I thought that sounded great until I realized I was supposed to learn to keep my joy even when my circumstances were shit.
My love booked our Disney vacation for this year and we are stoked! Only thing is this time I am not making money like I was last time we went AND we do not have credit cards anymore so we are going to have to make some cutbacks all year to splurge for those magical 5 days in December.
I typically read tons of books at once and so far, here is my Book List:
- Crazy Love by Francis Chan (actually a book club book with SCL)
- Created to be his Help Meet by Debi Pearl
- 5 Conversations you Must Have with your Daughter by Vicki Courtney (I would love reviews from anyone who has read this)
- Same Kind of Different as Me by Ron Hall & Denver Moore with Lynn Vincent
I am sure I will add more before I check any of these off but I am starting light this year so I can see how taxing this counseling stuff will be. Plus I am still working on becoming a non-profit so that needs much attention too.
So there it is. My version of a resolution. OH! And I totally plan to cuss a LOT.
Thats what Im talkin bout, baby!