Sunday, March 08, 2009

60 Year Love

I can not wrap my brain around 60 years. I am 34 years old and I am shocked I have been married 10 years and have children ages 5, 7 & 9. 60 years in almost double my lifetime and as hard as 60 years is to comprehend, 60 years of love is crazy to me. Beautiful crazy. Wicked awsome crazy. Incomprehensible.

While I am very glad to get to love my family through Acts of Service (my #1 love language with Physical Touch being only a point or few less) by caring for my Granny so often, the greatest gift I am taking away is Love. My Paw Paw Loves my Granny. They have been married almost 60 years and the Love he has for her is tangible. You can see it in the way he cares for her. You can see it in the way he does not find the tasks difficult and gross. You can see it in the way he knows her inside and out and shows attention to every little detail for her. It is seen in the way he puts her wants before his wants and even his needs.

My grandparents are Catholic and to any Catholics that happen to read this, put your big girl panties on and try to not take it personally (Bub, we call them panties in my house. My husband has learned to deal with it, you can too). The church I grew up in taught a lot of lies. I am sure I was not the only one hurt by the false doctrine that was shoved down my throat and guilted into my heart. My grandparents along with most of their children did not acknowledge I even exsisted when I got pregnant out of wedlock. The lies were so imbedded I even went through a time where I thought God killed our baby as punishment for the premarital sex because that was what I was taught. Even though around the age of 2 I became not so stupid as to believe crap like that, in my grief and shock and isolation, I entertained that lie for a while.

The same guilt that ruled my life must have influenced my grandparents alot also because when our daughter died, they came to the hospital to say how sorry they were. As much as I believe most every word from my mother's mouth is a lie, she was the only one with the balls to say she did not want the baby in her life. But I know others thought it. I often wondered if my grandparents felt guilty for not wanting my baby after she died. I was convinced it was why they came to the hospital and spoke to me for the first time since announcing my pregnancy. Either way, once I found Christ I figured if someone like Him was willing to give someone like me a second chance, I could do the same in my relationships.

*sidenote* I tried real hard with my mother to forgive past hurts. Problem with her is she continues her lies, deception and manipulation to this day and a person can only take so much. She is lying to me about something huge right now and while I will forgive her, I refuse to be in relationship with someone who can not be trusted. I am pissed right now but in time it will pass until the next thing she does to me. The whole forgive 70 times 7 thing? I am well past the 500th chance with her.

I am so glad I took my grandparents back into my life because while there is a huge generation gap, I have learned more from those 2 than anyone in my adult life. I am convicted to love my husband more. I am convicted to not be as lazy. I am encouraged to apreciate Creation and nature. I have hope true Love still exsists because I see it daily while my Paw Paw cares for his dying wife. In a time where at least half of all marriages end in divorce, I have learned marriage can be sucessful and fulfilling and beautiful. I am honored to be a part of their daily lives and to witness their love. That's what Im talkin bout baby.


bub said...

No worries, I'm cool with wearing big girl panties. Remember, I've got 4 daughters and grew up with all girls, I'm in touch with my femininity, somewhat. Oh, and I loved your post. I felt the same things about my dad when he was taking care of my mother as she was dying. Gave me a whole new respect for him and made my last years with him so much better. Amazing how God works. Praying for you and your mom. God can do anything!!!!

Brenda said...

It's amazing to me that my husband and I just celebrated our 26th anniversary. But 60 years is a crazy long time to be together! And how beautiful that you get to witness their love for one another and how your Paw Paw is caring for his wife. I'm thankful to hear they came to the hospital and said they were sorry.

Brenda said...

Hi Daphne,

This morning my pastor spoke on grace and peace. I thought of you. :) Hope all things are going well in your life.

Love, B.