Friday, May 30, 2008
My pool has always been one of those places where I can totally see how good my life is. As a child I wanted 2 things. I mean consistantly and passionatly. I wanted to be a mother and I wanted an inground pool. I so very much love to lay in the warm sun and watch and listen to my children play in the pool and I reconize the luxery of it all.
My mom is in a vulnerable place right now so it is easy for me to show her love and not be in that constant state of bracing myself for the next blow. I thought to myself while lounging at my pool today that my mom never got to enjoy a day like I had today. Whatever the reason, even self inflicted; financial strain, too busy, too stressed, to emotionally spent, too burdened, too over committed, she quite possible never had a day like mine. Comfortable in her skin and appreciative of her situation in life. I was a little sad for her. I am often too stressed, too spread thin, too ungrateful to reconize God's Fingerprints all over my life, but when I find myself slathered in sunscreen lying under the Sun my God created hearing the music of childhood while floating in the best $30,000 ever spent, I can appreciate the story of my life.
I have often thought my life may make for entertaining material. Be it pride or conceit or whatever, I felt my story was worth telling. Today I got a picture of my Story and it was the Red Letter edition. What I saw was more red letters than not.
I did not spend hours in prayer today. I have not even read my bible yet and on top of that I fit in a good 40 minutes with Dr. Phil. I was not religious or spiritual and I even wore a 2 peice to swim in but my day was still all about God and His goodness to me and mine. I have no veils or strongholds blocking my view of the truth. Today I was free. I was livin the dream. That's what I'm talkin' bout baby.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Well, I guess Kenneth thought about flowers but he had tried a couple other things that did not work. Actually, one worked ok the other made things worse. He likes to play the baby card. He found an exceptionally cute picture of one of our girls (so not hard to do) as a fat baby and emailed it to me. It made me smile while I was mad but I still find that a lame way to say 'I am sorry'. Honestly I have often wondered to myself why those words were so hard to say when it makes things so much better. I think for myself I rationalize that it is counterproductive because it just let's people off the hook with no solution to the problem. If I thought taking the blame for a situation, my fault or not, would make things better, maybe it would be easier to do. I just think saying sorry for peace's sake is not productive in a situation where resolution is scarse.
For example, if I say I am sorry for never doing laundry and leaving people with no clean clothes to wear but do not actually start doing laundry, how can that be right? Take it up a notch or 8 and say I am so sorry I had that affair. I am so very sorry and I want to make our marriage work. Even if the affair stopped, if the offender continued to be unavailable and not make an effort to earn back trust what is the point? Both of those examples were just that. Examples. I do laundry every day and Kenneth helps with the laundry often. Also, neither of us have ever had an affair so that is not from our lives. Just saying that saying 'Im sorry' for Im sorry's sake is lame.
So in lieu of flowers, I got donuts! That's what Im talkin bout BABY!
OH! But that did not get him off the hook. I still need clean clothes to wear. Ya gotta start somewhere though.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Often the previews are the best parts and a lot of times the movie is a big let down after an incredible preview but I still love watching them. Ken and I actually found ourselves glued to this new channel for over an hour the other day and here is the list of movies I want to see after watching the previews:
Wanted starring Angelina Jolie and Morgan Freeman. WOW! This looks bad ass. Angelina did not cover any of her tats for this one. YEAH BAby!
The Happening starring Marky Mark. Normally I would not want to see this type of movie but I will see anything with Marky Mark in it. He is yummy and oh so talented in my opinion. In your face NKOTB!
Prince Caspian I read the book, I read the series, and I heard it was great plus I try and support Christian based movies.
Adam Sandler's movie called something like Dont Mess with Zohan. What can I say. I am a fan. I make no apologies.
Lakeview Terrace with Samual L! Love him too! Not as much as Danzel but I gotta see this because a black cop (Sammy) tries to run off his new neighbors which are a mixed couple. Gotta support interracial marriages. It is a requirement or something.
Snatch. Dont remember a thing about it but I wanted to see it enough to write it in one of my notebooks. Mushy yogert brain!
Surfwise. Now this looks so awesome! This old dude had a bunch of kids, like 8 or 9 and they lived in a mobile home and traveled and surfed and he was a bastard but in the good way so now his kids are wanting to give their kids the same experience. It is either a documentery or like one.
What Happens in Vegas I like Ashton mainly because Bruce does and if you are alright with Bruce you are alright with me. I am NOT a fan of Diez however and the movie may or may not be funny but I am sure one day I will need a mindless watch and it will fill a need.
So, there it is. The List. Hopefully one of these will be a winner. Like when I saw the Village I had to tell everyone to see it. And Man on Fire. And She's the Man. That's what Im talkin bout!!!!!111
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Speaking of She's The Man, I have to say, it is one of my favorite movies. Granted, it is not of the same caliber as Man on Fire but really, who can compair to Danzel? Let's be fair, now. I have few words to use up today that are not She's The Man quotes so until I can get someone to take a picture of what my next entry will be about, I am going watch the rest of She's The Man. Thats what Im talkin bout.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
I had a Bon Qui Qui email incident with my friends and I think maybe God allowed that to happen to allow me to see that I am not The Norm. I do not want to 'fit the mold' and I do not. I want to rock the boat and I do. I TOTALLY understand that what I find funny and entertaining is NOT what others enjoy and I accept that. That is not my problem. I do not get offended easily. I was offended to have my friends think I would be offended. Ha! No, actually I was just surprized that as transparent as I am, some of my friends do not get me at all. I will be ok with that though because I have to think Jesus must be able to relate. He did not go with the flow; He offended others all the time, He was transparent but misunderstood and He came to give me fullness of joy (Ps 16:11). Now, that's what I'm talkin bout baby.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Thursday, May 08, 2008
I am being dramaticly scartastic. If you did not realize. I actually enjoyed this other blog very much and Todd Bentley is actually mentioned on this other blog (mentioned in my last post). And how funny is this? I have an appointment to get a tattoo and planned to get a scripture inked on my back, but after reading this blog, I am thinking I may not just so I will not be liked as much. Ref. # 23.
I have read or at least skimmed almost every post this dude made and I must say one I totally plan to use to the fullest advantage is post # 37 which is on Abstinence. Here is what it says:
I'm a huge fan of abstinence, especially now that I'm married and don't have to follow it. But I almost left it off this list because I think despite how much we like the idea of abstinence, we've done a really poor job explaining the benefits.
Here's what usually happens for 13-year old Christian boys. Their parents or their youth leader says, "Look, you should stay pure and not have sex so that you keep your marriage holy." That's their first option. Then the world says to them, "Look at me! Sex is wild and fun and neon and loud and whoa Spring Break!" And as a 13-year old that was an easy decision for me to make. (And if you believe that the pursuit of holiness alone will inspire your 13-year old son first let me say that's adorable, and second I honestly hope he does not come in contact with one of the 25% of teenage girls in this country that has an STD.)
Here's what we should be saying about abstinence. The best reason not to have sex until you're married is that it makes your sex life so much better after you're married. When you don't bring baggage into a sexual marriage relationship things get wild a lot faster. You get to have crazy, awesome, Prince type sex. There's no memories of other people, no hang ups to work through. It's just you and your wife getting ridiculous and enjoying the hot sexy good time that holiness makes possible. This is what it sounds like, when doves cry.
Abstinence. That's what I'm talkin bout BABY!
I feel spread as thin as always and I am getting frustrated I can not give more time to God. I need more time with Him. Reading about visions and prophecy and watching revival and healings I need to know the Holy Spirit better so I can know what to do. I have always been one of those people that believes things are not going to get better, but worse. Maybe begining my bible studies with Revelation or maybe just my realistic, cynical outlook will not let me 'hope for a better future'/hearts and squiggles. I believe things will continue to get worse until Jesus comes back. I want that to be soon but seeing all these signs of the times that show the end is near has me nervous.
I am back to loving my new breast and I would love a tummy tuck and a little lipo and I want to be in shape and lose weight but FOR WHAT?!? To either die or be raptured?!? Something I got from reading the Call was looking at myself and all my faults is PRIDE and will keep me from God. I have been asking for more judgement and conviction *yikes* and I found that looking at myself will bring confussion and make it harder to hear the Holy Spirit. I can not abide in His presence and be self-conscious or self-absorbed. It makes sense, how can we hear from God when looking at our own inadequacies and unworthiness? We will never be worthy or adequate. That is why we need Him! We can never make ourselves into what we should be and it is Pride to try and focus there. ALl I can do is trust God to use me despite myself. The Call puts it quite simpily. Our call is to abide in the Holy Spirit and let God use us. In His Presence is where we will see Glory.
I can see in my limited understanding why Romans 8:1 is in the bible. When we are in condemnation for our sins and focus our our unworthiness, we are not looking to Jesus. I tend to struggle with not being repentant enough for my sins and chalk it up to being human then go into condemnation for NOT being in condemnation and just a bunch of stupid crap that is not SEEKING HIS FACE. Eph. 4:3 NLT says Always keep yourselves united in the Holy Spirit and bind yourselves together with peace. That's what Im talkin bout Jesus!
Saturday, May 03, 2008
I have been in the Word more this year than ever in my Christian walk and it has made such a difference. I really believe in the POWER of the Word; help my unbelief! I actually acted on Eph. 6:12 and realized my battle was not against flesh and blood but against the evil powers that rule the world I live in. I not only feel I may be moving up a level in my relationship with God but I feel as a family we are moving.
Speaking of Joshua 24:15 As for me and my family, we will serve the Lord, I have an apt. to get a tattoo that has that meaning and possibly the scripture ref. too.
I have felt some fear lately, serious fear and while I know I have not been given a spirit of fear, but one of power and love and a sound mind, I was surprized how much fear I felt. What does it mean? Being in God's will = stronger attacks? Feeling fear = need to cover areas in prayer and the blood? Fear = NOT being in God's will? I dunno. I do know that no matter what I face, I have not turned away from my God, but to Him. See? I am growing up finally! That's what I'm talkin bout, savvy?