Thursday, September 04, 2008

The View 3 Hours from Home

Perspective. I must like the word. I use it often. I feel it is educational to see things from another view. I teeter between the prideful/humble thought that my perspective is not possibly the only way or the right way.

I recently began fasting on Mondays for the orphans everywhere and as my flesh curses my will, I remind myself my slight hunger pains in perspective to what some African orphans feel must be a joke.

I lasted 3 days at home with no power and water before I left. 3 days, only 2 nights, and still I fought panic attacks, pity parties, whining, complaining, not to mention I got drunk.

I drove 3 hours to my sister's home and am so pissed at how the people here are acting. I know Rita got Lake Charles good. I see the PT SD rage through people around New Orleans at the mention of a serious hurricane. I had Rita victims move into my home so I am sure that is here too. I am just frustrated that everywhere I go in this town people talk about how bad they have it. Limited menu at McDonald's, delayed delivery trucks at grocery stores, the inconvenience of having to evacuate for the day the storm hit. They have power! They have water! And supplies and gas!

At home people lined the shoulders of the roads for MILES to wait H.O.U.R.S. to be allowed to fill gas cans only. Not you tank to your vehicle but the small portable gas cans. Friends and family that are not getting paid as they sit home with no power can not keep filling their generator with gas when no paycheck is coming in even though we are being told it will take weeks to get power back.

Then I realize what I ran from is better than the best days some of the children I pray for have. My heart breaks as I think of mothers trying to offer their babies comfort as I tried to offer mine in the heat and in the dark. My heart breaks that my weaknesses and sin surfaced so fast in the slight trial we are facing. My heart breaks that only now as I sit clean and in a house with A/C in front of a computer drinking my gas station coffee that I get the idea to look up. To look up to where my Help comes from and see a different perspective.

I am still tired, physically and emotionally. I feel like once I get a little more sleep, a little more coffee, a little more of my meds and spend a little more time with Jesus reminding me He will forgive me for being such an ass and He loves me anyway, I will be ok. I mean I am ok. I am better than ok. I can just be better. I can change my perspective.


HappyFLMom said...

I love how this post stretched me and really made me think. It's raining here and all I could think about is how I hope it doesn't ruin my daughter's birthday party on Saturday. Thanks for putting me in my place whether you meant to or not.

Heidi Reed

PS: Wanna be on my blogroll? I'd love to add you if you're game.

daphne said...

yeah girl! Add me to your blogroll. I would add you to mine if I knew what it was and how to do that. ; )

bub said...

It's funny how things hit us differently. I can stay calm through computer breaking down, rent not being paid, fighting with the wife, numerous other "bad" things. If something happens to my car, UGH!!! It really flips me out. So maybe that's what the hurricane did to you. Hit some kind of button that made you behave in a way that you normally wouldn't. Everyone has those. I'm really grateful that you guys are o.k. and I'm praying for you. Big side drops and leg hugs to ya, razzle dazzle, man, razzle dazzle.