Saturday, September 27, 2008

The Freedom I long for

If this year ends and I am not living freer than I was at the beginning of the year, I think that is a problem. I have no good excuse to stay in bondage when I have been given the Truth that will set me free.

I have started sleeping with my house temp. set at 77 which is NOT an even number or a multiple of 5. I have let go of that control. I also do not even look at the digital dial as I lower or raise the volumn on my radio. I just turn until it sounds good. More freedom.

While I am a firm believer that you never can know how you will react in a situation you have never been in before, after my Pastor raised the question 'what would you do if you knew Jesus would be coming to your house in one hour?', I felt my answer was pretty free. I would need to clear some places for people to sit, I would chill some wine and I would invite over people who need some Freedom Jesus as much as me. I would not want to lock up my kids or clean house or cook or change my clothes. I am ok with who I am and while I know I need improvements, I feel free to be who I was made to be without apology.

I was praying on the toilet this morning (my children have a rule to not ask me a thing while I am on the toilet so I throw up popcorn prayers there) and I prayed how I talk. I cussed in prayer. Not like 'Come the F on, Jesus, bless the sh!t outta me, Man!' but real me. The free me. The slightly angry, defensive, lover of my Savior, tryin my best me.

I was tempted recently to follow a posting trend to come clean about my faults and shortcomings but I just did not think that was the direction I needed. There is value in confessing your sins 'one to another' but I would just rather focus on where my freedom takes me today and where I want to try and go tomorrow.

Tomorrow I want to be able to listen to some slamin older favorite music and not flash back to swinging naked around a pole for money. Tomorrow I want to be free to forgive my loved ones that hurt me daily every. single. time. Tomorrow I want to take down another layer of defence and not want to fight for a change. Tomorrow I want to rest & be still and not keep looking over my shoulder. Tomorrow I want to be freer than I am today, no matter what it costs.

Thats what Im talkin about, baby.


FeatherIron said...

Good stuff. Freedom is so wonderful.

HappyFLMom said...

You're teaching me girl. Keep it up. Keep it up. I need this.


bub said...

I wish I could come over to your house and help you figure out how to get your blog to post updates. In a way it's kinda cool to go old school and have to come over here everytime to look but then sometimes I forget. Like lately. Sorry friend. But I'm here now! I totally thought the same thing about the "I'm that guy" posts. I think I'm pretty transparent about who I am already and I think it's better for me to live in God's Grace for the moment. You are too funny though. I love the way you pray. That's honest. I don't know if God cares as much about the words we use as much as the meaning behind them. Man, I'm in on the freedom Jesus party. I'll bring the cards!