I said before I did my grieving Christmas day. I think that may have been it. Ned passed away on the 17th. She was diagnosed on the 17th of November and passed into Eternal Life on the 17th of December. The night she died I was with her about 20 minutes before her last breath, so I guess I about saw the worst of it. I went see her afterwards for a few seconds and got a touch choked up but I could hardly sleep that night. Not from grief. I was just so amped thinking about the Glory she was experiencing. I thought about the Beauty and the Light and the Love. I tried to think about her meeting her Jesus and the thought was too big. I was just amped.
The family as a whole seems to be doing pretty good. Maybe it will get really hard later. Tomorrow is her service and I wonder if the sadness of others will be more painful to bear than our loss. For me, my loss is too overshadowed by her gain. And once again, God graced me with the opportunity to Love others for Him through a hardship. What an honor! Glory. Glory!
Thats what Im talkin bout baby!
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Talking to Johnny is crushing. There are no words. Please God, let him let me be there for him. Not that I can. For 33 years he shared his life with her and tonight we made up the bed she will die in in their bedroom. No words...
Praise You in This Storm words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms
I was sure by now, God You would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say amen and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.
Chorus: And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are no matter where I am and every tear I've cried You hold in your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm
I remember when I stumbled in the wind You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone
how can I carry on if I can't find You and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain "I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away
I lift my eyes unto the hills where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
Praise You in This Storm words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms
I was sure by now, God You would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say amen and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.
Chorus: And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are no matter where I am and every tear I've cried You hold in your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm
I remember when I stumbled in the wind You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone
how can I carry on if I can't find You and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain "I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away
I lift my eyes unto the hills where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Dancing Again
This week (the second of the New Year 2007) I have been preparing to go on a weekend retreat. Not only do I need to get all my stuff in order and ready, but I have to make arrangements for my family. It is a little funny because it is more of a problem to leave Kenneth alone at night than not be there for the girls. Anyway, there is lots to be done. I do not know if I will even make it to see Ned before I go. I have her grandkids so late every day. Maybe tomorrow.
On a side note, I find it odd that I grieved the day I was told she could not beat the cancer (Christmas Day) and that was it. I feel quite un-emotional now. Almost like she is gone already and I have moved on.
I would like to bring that to God. Maybe while on retreat I can get some insight into why I am like that. I really am looking forward to hearing what He is going to tell me. I need this time with him and I am almost glad my friends did not include me in their plans. They planned to ride together and room together and I am having to drive myself because I could not find anyone to go with. It may sting a little, but I know it is just BS from Satan. Really. I am fine with it. Again, maybe too fine with it.
So, why the title of this blog? I am dancing again. At the retreat. I will do a sign/dance number with a friend and I am excited. It is so cool to be able to use a talent God has given me in an act of worship after years and years or having it perverted and grieving God. I love Him for accepting a dance from me despite who and what I used to dance for. All things are made new and now it is time for a new dance. Thats what Im talkin bout baby.
On a side note, I find it odd that I grieved the day I was told she could not beat the cancer (Christmas Day) and that was it. I feel quite un-emotional now. Almost like she is gone already and I have moved on.
I would like to bring that to God. Maybe while on retreat I can get some insight into why I am like that. I really am looking forward to hearing what He is going to tell me. I need this time with him and I am almost glad my friends did not include me in their plans. They planned to ride together and room together and I am having to drive myself because I could not find anyone to go with. It may sting a little, but I know it is just BS from Satan. Really. I am fine with it. Again, maybe too fine with it.
So, why the title of this blog? I am dancing again. At the retreat. I will do a sign/dance number with a friend and I am excited. It is so cool to be able to use a talent God has given me in an act of worship after years and years or having it perverted and grieving God. I love Him for accepting a dance from me despite who and what I used to dance for. All things are made new and now it is time for a new dance. Thats what Im talkin bout baby.
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