Friday, October 31, 2008


As a person who emotes almost solely in anger, I am learning to look past the surface when I get angry to see what the true issue involves. I just have so little time that surface cleaning has become a wasted effort. I almost need to go straight to soaking my heart in bleach. Or Jesus. Depending how mature I am acting on a given day.

One of my daughters is a Tinkerbell fan. I actually like the little wench myself. While goodness usually triumphs in fairy tales, Tink is not sweet and kind and is actually much more realistic than most characters. There is a new movie out about Tinkerbell and in it she is given a voice for the first time since she was introduced in 1953 in the Peter Pan movie. That made me mad. It was all I thought about during the entire movie. While my daughters are pointing out the facts of the movie that are unbiblical, I am pissed she has a voice in this movie. I realized I felt the same way when Blue from Blue's Clues was given a voice. I also remembered when I was in Korea, a girlfriend and a Korean woman convinced me I needed to get my eyebrows done.

At the time I sported a unibrow and never thought much of it. It was what it was and I do not think the skinny brow was a thing yet in the states anyway. I was so stinkin mad after my eyebrows were waxed! It looked so different I actually had people comment on it. What is different they would ask. Shut the eff up! I would yell at them and turn away. I hated it for one reason. It was different. A change.

Today I keep my brows groomed and while do not go for the super skinny brow, I feel uncomfortable when I need to let them grow out a bit before I go in for a professional appointment. Just so ya know.

I think I am mad about the movie because it is a change. Why is change so hard? Even change from a bad to a good situation is hard. I had been in many relationships that had ended and while it was always hard, the one I had the most trouble with was the one I wanted out of most. I found a way out of an abusive relationship that lasted about 3 years and even though I had wanted out for a long time, I had the hardest time letting that one go. I was appalled at my reaction and knew I not only needed out but wanted out but I had trouble functioning outside of the relationship for a long time. It baffled me to react that way and I can only think it was so hard because it was such a big change.

I love what Jon from Stuff Christians Like wrote recently about our comfort zones in post #429. Our definition of comfort is so different than God's it is truly an injustice to allow us to play the Almighty and create our own comfort zones. I want to change. I need God to change me otherwise I will not have the same attitude as Christ (Phil 2:5).

I heard a teaching on inner core pain once that said the bad has to come out in order to have room for the Love and Good that is God to go in. Maybe when I feel the anger rise up in me over a change, I can let it come all the way up and out and let it leave me so I can have room for God to equip me with the change He wants to bring to me.

I feel some changes coming in my life and I can not just allow the anger to consume me this time. I want to embrace the adventure God has called me to and trust Him to be my Comfort through whatever comes. It will not be easy but maybe it is time to drop anger as my protection and defence and accept the change that God has in mind for me. Skeery.

1 comment:

Bello (Buddy) Manjaro said...

ch*lk. i can see that. peace.